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[missilin22]

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[mobilemassagestore]

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[specshroom]

Here me out for mer stuff

Maybe human is shipwrecked and a mer (perhaps one that keeps treasures like an octopus) saving you and keeping you in a little underground cave with an airbubble until you get better but you both start getting closer... maybe they become obsessed with you

You're stuck in the cold and a seal person or penguin person offers their body heat to you since it's very insulating... and theres otherways for them to make you even warmer

Getting passed around a pod of dolphins and otters cause they're very sexual and otters hold onto you as you rest between round since they hold hands with partners

Electric eels/lungfish giving you little shocks as it coils around you.

A deep sea angler lady with a hynotizing glow that wants you to be a part of her with all the other men she's absorbed.

A jellyfish who's tentacles secrete aphrodisiacs instead

Urchins with a super soft underbelly!!

A clam trapping you in their shell or an anemone keeping you within it

Betta fish wrapping you in their fins

Also imagine perhaps a parasite or amoeba from the water entering and forming a symbiosis with you... you have a bf in your head that speaks with you and though he can't touch you he can make you feel things by messing with your brain and bodily functions

Tha k u for entertaining me

ANON YOU'RE A MIND READER! I WAS JUST THINKING OF DOING A MARINE HYBRID POST!

It was gonna be like an addition to the bird hybrid post but I was having major writers block and I couldn't think of fuckall.

BUT YOU! UR SO BIG BRAINED OMG.

My faves were the:

• Octopus hoarding reader like treasure 🥺

• The electric eel shocks! Yesss

• I fucking hate dolphins cus they scare me but Otters on the other hand are soooo cute. Passing you around and just snuggling you into their soft fur when u need a quick nap. Have you seen the videos of otters massaging each other? Yes exactly like that.

• ooooh I just know the angler fish and the jellyfish hybrids would be so scary and intimidating in such a sexy way, uknow? Like "Oooo am I gonna eat you or fuck you? Oooo let's find out"

• The amoeba boyfriend is very interesting 🤔 especially since u can't really break up lmao. How would u even have disagreements? Because he's basically you? I definitely want to revisit this idea.

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

ibiza night fever | chapter 03

pablo gavi x original female character [+18]

synopsis: to celebrate her recent freedom, sofie’s best friends invited her to spend the summer in ibiza. after four years, a tattoo and countless fights – sofie was single. she was dumped on her 22nd birthday; now all she asks for is a calm and relaxing vacation with her girlfriends – no boys allowed. warnings: age gap, alcohol consumption, smut, angst; minors dni.

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

Chapter 03 | I’m a ruin 

“I know I'm playing with your heart

And I could treat you better

But I'm not that smart”

The wondrous vacation continued the next day. The girls decided it would be a Spa Day. Even though they were all in their early 20’s, the chaotic alcohol driven last couple of days started to creep up on them. They needed fresh energy for more chaotic alcohol driven days. At the spa, they were welcomed at the reception with views over the sparkling bay of Cala Xarraca. They were greeted with soothing music and the scent of lavender. They changed into white robes and slippers and headed to a relaxation room. Sofie laid on a massage table, waiting for her Lomi-Lomi Hawawiian massage. Her mind immediately wandered to thoughts of her ex-boyfriend. She couldn't help but wonder what he was doing at that very moment. Was he thinking of her? Or had he slept with someone else too? They had matching tattoos. Got them a couple years ago. Not a lot of people know about it, as it’s quite hidden. Pablo probably saw it, if he paid attention. As the masseuse worked her magic on Sofie's tense muscles, she felt a sense of longing for Thomas. She missed the way he used to make her laugh and the way he would hold her close at night. But their relationship was over for a reason. He left her.

“So you changed your mind?” Chiara asked her as they were getting pedicures.

“About what?”

“Not having sex while in Ibiza. Which, let me just say, was an insane idea to begin with.”

“Oh, you know what? Yes, I did. I came here to feel good, so, fuck it. Feeling desired is part of the healing process, maybe? I don't know.” Sofie was confused, even in the peaceful environment she still couldn't think straight.

“So… I can set you up with other guys?”

“No way! I mean, maybe? Coming here and not sleeping with anyone was like a spiritual journey, but sleeping with just one guy feels embarrassing. Especially a random 18 years old who probably doesn’t even remember my name anymore.”

“Sofie, baby, I’m looking at you and I know for sure he remembers your name.”

The girls enjoyed massages, facials, and a dip in the hot tub. They chatted and laughed, catching up on each other's lives. During lunch, at the spa’s luxurious restaurant, Sofie felt the need to let go of the past and focus on the present. 

Pedri texted her in the afternoon with a nightclub address and a questionable Garfield sticker. It was an illustration of the orange cat doing a peace sign. Sofie chuckled and nonchalantly suggested the same nightclub as the girls next destination.

**

"The Electric Octopus" was known for its wild parties and eclectic music. The club was packed with people from all over the world, with neon lights flashing and the bass thumping so loud Sofie could feel it in her bones. As the crowd pulsed around her, Sofie lost herself in the music, moving her body to the beat. Still paying attention to her friends, she noticed Rebecca looking anxious, scanning the crowd as if looking for a familiar face. There was no way she knew Pedri was here, or that he specifically organized for her to come. But it was like she could feel something in the air, his presence. Call it chemistry, if you will. Suddenly, Rebecca felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see Pedri, dressed beautifully in black with a mischievous grin on his face. The two friends hugged, with the man discreetly winking at Sofie, thanking her.

“Come on, we got a private booth.” Pedri guided the girls to the secluded area. The booth had a sophisticated vibe – it’s own private dance floor – plush seating, dim lighting, and a table for drinks and snacks. The place was big enough to fit more than a dozen people, and there were already a few hanging out when the girls arrived. Other young athletic men whom Sofie could only hope weren’t footballers as well, and a couple of gorgeous girls. Pablo was there too, playfully chatting with one of the girls. He didn’t look surprised to see her, but Sofie couldn’t hide her anxiety.

They all got introduced, but even as the time passed by and Sofie got more comfortable around the strangers, she couldn’t shake off the nausea of meeting Pablo under these conditions. He was clearly slightly drunk and overly straightforward with his flirting. Sofie felt small and unimportant. At some point, when Sofie got distracted with the music and their friends, Pablo sat down next to her.

“Hey.” He whispers in her ear. “You don’t get to be jealous.”

“I know, I’m not!” Sofie was blushing and Pablo was adoring it.

“You look jealous.” 

They were looking into each other's eyes, way too close. Closer than Pablo was to the other girl.

“Im not.”

“You’re acting jealous.” He’s teasing her, whispering in her ear.

“I’m really not.”

“You look beautiful.” Pablo smiles, admiring her. She really does look beautiful. “Give me your phone number.”

“No.”

“You gave Pedri your phone number, Sofie. This is ridiculous.”

“Yes, well, I like talking to Pedri. He has really nice stickers.”

“I can show you something a lot nicer than Pedri stickers.”

Sofie laughs at that and the boy can’t help but laugh with her. She shakes her head and takes her drink to the dance floor. She tries to put some distance between them. Sofie feels hot. Looking back at the seating area, the girl – Ana – is already back at Pablo’s side. Good. Good.

The room around her only makes her feel worse. Becca is fully making out with Pedri in one corner and her other friends are one drink away from doing the same with the boys they bonded. The booth feels too crowded. Sofie took the french exit and left without saying a word. Outside of the club, feeling the ocean breeze and the island’s cold 2AM weather, Sofie calmed down immediately. The noise and chaos of the club had been overwhelming, and she was glad to be out in the fresh air. On one hand, she was very attracted to Pablo and enjoyed spending time with him. On the other hand, she didn't want to get hurt again. She needed time to think and reflect, to figure out what she wanted and what was best for her. Suddenly she heard someone calling her name. It was Daniel, the yacht owner.

“Sofie, is that you?” Daniel said, grinning. “Wow, you look amazing! What are you doing here by yourself?”

Sofie smiled back, politely.

“I’m just taking a break from the club. It was getting a bit overwhelming there.”

Daniel nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I hear you. It’s crazy here tonight.”

That’s when Pablo walked out of the club. He scanned the area and spotted Sofie talking to someone. Daniel, he recognized him. They were mutual friends. Small world, apparently.

“Hey, guys. What's going on?” He approached them trying to appear casual.

“Oh hey, man!” Daniel turned to him, surprised. The three of them exchanged pleasantries, but Pablo felt insecure around Daniel, who seemed to have a natural ease with Sofie that he couldn't match. After a few minutes of awkward small talk, Sofie asks:

“So, we should get going, right?” Sofie raised an eyebrow, praying Daniel would get her cue. Luckily for her, he did.

"Right. Yes. We should get going. Sorry. mate, see you later?” He taps Gavi on the shoulder and waves goodbye.

They walked along the beach and Sofie tried to start small talk, but Daniel wasn’t having it.

“What was that about? Gavi did something to you?”

“Oh no. It 's not like that. I think I did something to him. Listen, I don’t wanna talk about it. Let me just text my friends, I kind of just dipped on them.”

Daniel nodded and waited for her. “Do you wanna go back to my place? I have some friends over, but it won’t be as noisy as the club.”

“Okay. I guess.”

“I’m not helping you for free, though. I want you to answer a question.”

“A question? Okay. I thought you were about to ask for a blowjob!”

“Girl, I don’t need to ask for blowjobs.”

“Alright…”

“I want to know about Rebecca. And Pedri. Are they together? What 's the deal?”

Sofie stops walking, biting her lips.

“Honestly? I don’t know. But I know she’s not into you. Sorry.”

"That 's okay. I’ll just settle for second place.” Daniel tries to put his arm around Sofie’s shoulder and she pushes him off.

“Hey, fuck off!”

They laugh and he looks at her as if he’s wounded.

“Please don’t tell me you’re into Gavi.”

“I won’t tell you, then.”

In the morning, when she wakes up on Daniel’s couch still wearing yesterday's clothes, Sofie gets a text. 'Pool party today! Bitch, don’t forget! - Luisa.' Sofie groans. They organized a pool party in their villa and Sofie regrets ever feeling excited about anything. There was another text, from Pedri. It was a Garfield sticker. The orange cat was wearing sunglasses and holding a floater. Great, just great.

[jennysarkar-blog]

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[mystery-fic-anon]

Don't Stop (til You Please Me)

Here it issss! As part of @gyftmas2021 I made this secret santa gift fic for @fanart-serenadebleue! I hope you like it!

Summary: Nightmare's mates all come over and they have an orgy together. (This Bad Sans poly includes Xtale Sans, Killer, Horrortale Sans, Dusttale Sans, Error, and of course, Nightmare.)

Warnings: A bit of biting/rough sex, also this is literally pure porn.

Read it on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35927872

Here is a quick species list, in case anyone gets confused:

Nightmare=Octopus hybrid/merskeleton Horror=Lamia (snake) Error=Ghoul Dust=Harpy Killer=Vampire Cross=Imp (low-level demon)

------

Nightmare leaned against one of the stalagmites, close to the pool in the back of his cave. The soft dripping of water was slowly drowned out by the sound of his mates coming in. The large chamber had some bioluminescent algae growing inside of the lake, providing more than enough light for Nightmare to look over the others.

While many of the creatures in their group were more mobile, Nightmare had to be near water. Magic only kept his tentacles from drying out for a limited amount of time. He and Horror were the biggest creatures in their group, and he was much slower on land. So they usually met in his cave, and then moved somewhere else afterwards if one of them had planned something.

Tonight they were just staying in. The skeleton hybrids all chatted casually as they waited for the final mate to show up. There was no rush; Nightmare understood that Dust lived far away, and flying in took a long time. They weren’t going to start without him, though. Horror signed along, and Nightmare looked over his body appreciatively. Horror looked like he’d gotten bigger again, and his ecto tail was glowing a strong shade of blood red.

Nightmare glanced up as he heard a scrabbling on the roof of the cave. He smiled, knowing that their mate had finally arrived. The others quieted down, all looking to the entrance of the cave with anticipation.

Dust came in, his feathers more ruffled than usual. “The wind was blowing against me tonight.”

“No matter, we’re glad to have you here. Welcome, Dust.” Nightmare said, bowing his head slightly.

A chorus of other greetings followed Nightmare, and Dust stepped further into the cave. Once he was fully inside, Nightmare used one of this tentacles to hit a switch on the wall. A counter-weight fell, ropes released, and the boulder he used as a door rolled into place. Nightmare was a private creature, and he didn’t want their night to be interrupted.

Right in front of the deep lake, Nightmare had set up their play area. There was a thick layer of river rushes on the floor, protecting their bones from the stone. He also had a few blankets and pillows, but those were set off to the side, and more for aftercare. None of them were particularly delicate, or in need of comfort during sex.

They came together easily, pairing off for the foreplay. There was excitement, but no urgency. They knew they’d get a taste of everyone eventually. Their relationship was equal. The only time that any one partner got extra attention was when they were in heat, which was obviously a special occasion.

Horror pulled Error close to him, lifting the little ghoul into his lap. Error lifted his arms up, eagerly helping Horror strip him from his clothes. Horror leaned in, flicking his tongue against Error’s neck and collarbones. His scent reminded Horror of death, but it wasn’t quite the same, and the electric passion flowing through Error made Horror’s soul feel full.

Error was cold, as if he was fresh from the grave, but Horror didn’t mind. He knew how to warm Error up. Horror ran his hands down Error’s back, then hooked his fingertips into Error’s floating ribs. He moved his hands slowly around to the front, massaging Error’s ribs from both sides. Error squeezed Horror’s tail tighter with his legs, a soft moan escaping from between his teeth. Horror hissed back softly, flicking his tongue teasingly against Error’s vertebrae.

Cross plopped down in Nightmare’s lap, grinning widely as Nightmare’s tentacles automatically began coiling around his bones. “Hey there.”

“Hello, little imp.” Nightmare lifted Cross up so their faces were level. “You look lovely tonight.”

“You say that every time,” Cross snarked, but his cheekbones still became dusted with a faint shade of pink.

“It is true every time.” Nightmare leaned in, kissing Cross.

Cross quickly formed an ecto-tongue, and Nightmare happily deepened the kiss. He rested his hands on Cross’ shoulders, while his tentacles covered the rest of Cross’ body. One of them pressed against Cross’ pelvis, but didn’t try to open his shorts just yet. Nightmare rubbed it lazily back and forth, making Cross whimper cutely.

They got distracted by a thump from behind them. Nightmare and Cross glanced over, and Horror and Error did the same.

In the middle of the rushes lay Killer and Dust. Killer had pinned Dust down by his wings, and was grinning down at the trapped harpy. Killer hissed playfully, knowing that Dust’s struggling wasn’t particularly urgent. Dust hissed back, snapping his teeth near Killer’s face. They were about the same size, but it seemed that Nightmare had missed the fight for dominance. He licked his teeth, remembering when he and Horror had playfully wrestled in the same way.

“Aw, so cute.” Cross called out.

“Oh shut up, pay some attention to Nightmare!” Dust gasped, and suddenly began fighting back harder, with Killer straining to keep him pinned down.

“Yes, pay attention to me sweetheart.” Nightmare said, pulling Cross back against his chest. In this position Nightmare could watch the others, and also show off how lovely Cross looked.

He dragged his slimy tongue over Cross’ vertebrae, taking his time with exploring Cross’ bones. Cross made the sweetest noises when he was teased, and Nightmare drank them in eagerly. He pulled off Cross’ clothes, tossing them to the side. He wrapped one tentacle around each of Cross’ limbs, spreading them apart roughly. He went exploring with two of his thinner tentacles, slithering one inside of Cross’ ribcage while the other one wrapped around his lower spine. He felt Cross’ magic prickling against his tentacles, and they twitched slightly in response, smearing some more of Nightmare’s slime on his bones.

“Not yet. Don’t form anything until I tell you,” Nightmare whispered, brushing his teeth against the side of Cross’ head.

Cross whined slightly, but he nodded.

“Good. Such a sweet, obedient little mate.” Nightmare cooed. He traced his fingers over Cross’ sternum from the outside, and moved his tentacle in the same motion on the inside.

Horror had two fingers inside of Error’s ecto-pussy, and his own slit was bulging enticingly. Error placed one hand on top of it, and it opened up quickly. Both of Horror’s penises slipped out in full erection, twitching slightly. Error grabbed one of them, but he only managed to stroke it once before Horror moved again.

Horror laid down, his tail curling protectively around Error’s body. It blocked part of Nightmare’s view, but the way Horror yanked Error’s pelvis up to his face made it clear what was happening. Error clamped his teeth together, but a sweet whine still escaped him as Horror’s tongue plunged inside of him. Error wasn’t big enough to reach Horror’s penises with his mouth, but he still grabbed one and began stroking it. Horror’s magic was such a gorgeous colour, plump and juicy, and Nightmare found himself aching to taste it. Or to feel Error’s pussy with his fingers. Fuck, he wanted his mates so much.

Dust and Killer were grinding against each other harshly. Their magic was glowing brightly in their pelvises, and Dust’s face was flushed to match. Killer wasn’t blushing as much, but there was still a sweet dusting of magic across his cheekbones. Killer suddenly bit down on Dust’s collarbone, and Dust squirmed gorgeously.

Nightmare snaked one of his tentacles out, grabbing the edge of Killer’s shorts. He tugged them down roughly, not stopping until they were around Killer’s knees. Killer grunted and glanced back, but then lifted one leg, letting Nightmare help him strip. Killer had fully formed his magic in the front and back, and Nightmare grabbed Killer’s ass, groping it once before he retreated. He didn’t want to distract Killer from pleasuring Dust too much.

“Fuck, Nightmare.” Cross whimpered, turning his head and pressing his teeth to Nightmare’s cheek. “Please.”

“Please what?” Nightmare asked, turning his head so their mouths were close to each other, but not kissing Cross. He wanted to hear him speak first.

Cross huffed, but he didn’t keep Nightmare waiting for long. “Please let me form my magic. I need it.”

“Alright, go ahead.” Nightmare moved his tentacle from Cross’ spine to his hip, rubbing it lovingly.

Cross’ magic rushed into his pelvis, forming a cock and a pussy. The glow reflected off of Nightmare’s slimy tentacles, but it was only visible for a moment. Nightmare coiled one tentacle around Cross’ dick and pressed a thinner one inside of him. He kissed Cross, squeezing Cross’ limbs roughly. Cross kissed back aggressively, and Nightmare felt every little whimper Cross made into his mouth.

Cross was tight, but his magic had begun dripping once it had formed. His slick combined with Nightmare’s natural lubricants meant it was easy to begin moving his tentacle. Nightmare had carefully memorized each of his lovers’ bodies, and he knew exactly how to hook his tentacle to hit Cross’ sweet spot. Cross moaned into Nightmare’s mouth, and he shivered.

Fuck, this was his favourite part of their nights together. Nightmare was a solitary creature by nature, and his terrifying appearance made it easy to drive others away. Yet for some reason, each of these gorgeous hybrids had chosen to stay with him. They could have easily formed a group with Nightmare on the periphery, but instead, they all made it clear that they enjoyed spending time with each other, and had no preference for any particular partner. It was wonderful, and it made Nightmare even more determined to satisfy them.

Nightmare began moving his tentacle faster, fucking Cross intensely with it. He coiled three other tentacles around Cross’ pelvis and hips, rubbing against all of his sensitive spots. Nightmare cracked his eyesockets open, taking in the sweet blush on Cross’ face.

The moans from his other partners grew louder, and Nightmare knew they must be having a good time with each other. Killer was playful, but he was a good dominant, and Dust did well when he had lots of attention on him. Error and Horror’s size gap only made their lovemaking more enjoyable. Error made such lovely faces when he was overstimulated, and Horror was the kind of skeleton who thrived on positive feedback. Horror acted aloof most of the time, but all of them had noticed how he brightened up in the bedroom. He was like Nightmare in that regard; caring for others made him happy.

Nightmare felt Cross trembling in his grasp, and his pussy clenched more around his tentacle. Nightmare finally broke the kiss, letting Cross get some air. He buried his face into Cross’ neck instead, sinking his teeth into the sensitive vertebrae. He didn’t have large fangs or sharp teeth, but he had enough force to leave a nice, deep bite, the kind that would take a week to heal. He ran his tongue lovingly over Cross’ neck, teasing the mark and getting a better taste of Cross’ sweat.

“Are you getting close, darling?” Nightmare asked, his voice almost a purr in Cross’ ear. He suddenly pulled on Cross’ legs with his tentacles, spreading them open wide. “Go on, show them how you cum.”

Cross whimpered, turning his face to hide it in Nightmare’s neck. Nightmare let him, but he used all of his limbs to show Cross’ body off even more. The others all turned to look, and Nightmare grinned as he saw Killer begin rocking his hips faster. Cross’ body jerked in Nightmare’s arms, but he had no way to free himself, and no way to hold back.

Nightmare watched happily as Cross came, savouring the whine of bliss he made. He kept moving his tentacles steadily, working Cross through his orgasm until Cross was rattling intensely. Nightmare wiggled his tentacle around once more, getting a good feeling of Cross’ pussy before he finally pulled out.

Nightmare kept holding Cross, but he moved his tentacles away from any lewd areas, instead holding Cross lovingly. He nuzzled his cheekbone against the top of Cross’ skull, watching the others.

Error was riding Horror intensely, his hands on Horror’s chest for balance. Horror had one hand on Error’s hips to help him move, while he stroked Error’s cock with the other. Horror’s other dick rubbed against Error’s thigh, smearing a trail of light red magic along it.

Killer was fucking into Dust in a frenzy, his teeth locked around Dust’s collarbone. Nightmare always found it cute how Killer liked to bite when he was feeling good, and Dust was clearly enjoying it too. He kept his wings up above his head, even if Killer wasn’t pinning them down any more. Killer had one hand on Dust’s pelvis, and the other one up inside of Dust’s ribs. There was a glimmer of magic shining through, and Nightmare guessed that Killer was just barely rubbing his phalanges over the edge of Dust’s soul. Soul play was intense, and they didn’t do it often. A bit of teasing like that was harmless, though.

Both couples seemed to be in sync, with the submissive partners’ moaning growing louder. Nightmare pressed his teeth to Cross’ neck, giving him a few light kisses. Cross squirmed slightly in Nightmare’s lap, grabbing one of his tentacles with both hands.

“Ssh, you can wait. Don’t be greedy.” Nightmare began rubbing Cross’ lower spine with one tentacle, moving slowly and steadily.

Unsurprisingly, Error came first. He screamed, his voice a high-pitched rasp. Horror groaned as Error arched his back, pressing him down even further on his dick. A bit of drool slipped down Horror’s jaw, and he only thrusted a few more times before he filled Error up. His other cock leaked, but it didn’t squirt at the same time. Like a true snake, Horror might get a dual erection, but he only used one penis at a time. He wasn’t into overstimulation like some of the others, so none of them pushed him.

Horror laid down fully on his back, hugging Error close to his chest. He got adorably cuddly for a few minutes after cumming, so Error was going to be stuck there for a bit. Nightmare smiled at them, then reached out for Killer.

He lashed out, cracking one of his tentacles against Killer’s back like a whip. Killer jerked and hissed, and Dust moaned.

“Fuck, do that again.” Dust looked at Nightmare, his glowing eyes piercing into Nightmare’s soul.

Crack. Crack. Killer threw his head back with the third hit, his eyelights rolling back into his head as he came. Nightmare slithered his tentacle around to the front, rubbing both of his lovers’ pelvises. Killer kept thrusting his hips shakily, and Dust came soon. Nightmare moved his tentacle quickly, working Dust through his orgasm. When Dust laid back and closed his eyes, Nightmare let go of his pelvis, letting both of them relax.

Nightmare couldn’t resist his urges any longer. His tentacles reached out, each one wrapping around some part of his mates. He dragged them all closer to him, a thinner tentacle rising out from the knot of strong, dark limbs. Horror hissed slightly, but once he saw Nightmare’s need, he uncoiled from his protective knot around Error.

Cross immediately leaned in and ran his tongue over Nightmare’s cock, moaning at the taste. Error scooted closer, getting down on his knees as well. His cheeks flared with a blush as Nightmare’s penis brushed over his teeth, but he obediently opened his mouth. Nightmare’s penis was long, so there was plenty of room for both of them to share.

Horror moved to sit at Nightmare’s side, tapping his shoulder. Nightmare turned, and he groaned softly as Horror kissed him. Horror’s kisses were rough, with his sharp fangs scraping harshly against Nightmare’s teeth. It was like he was trying to devour his mate, and Nightmare loved it.

Nightmare felt Dust shift at his other side, so he picked Dust up and dropped him into Horror’s lap. Both skeletons jumped slightly, but neither of them seemed to mind. Nightmare only had so many limbs, and he knew it was impossible to focus on pleasuring all of his mates at the same time.

Dust was still slick from his earlier round, and it was easy for him to position himself over Horror’s cock, then sink down on it. Horror grabbed his hips and made a sweet hiss into Nightmare’s mouth. Nightmare broke the kiss, dragging his tongue playfully along Horror’s cheek before pulling back slightly.

He moved one tentacle to rub around Horror’s slit, and let the other coil around Dust’s spine. He squeezed hard enough to feel each individual groove in Dust’s vertebrae, making the skeleton shiver deliciously. Horror was more than strong enough to bounce Dust on his cock, so Nightmare was more focused on teasing Dust than helping him move.

Nightmare grunted as he suddenly felt two of his mates squirming, glancing back to see what was going on. Killer had Cross in his grasp, both arms locked over Cross’ chest. He clearly wanted to keep Cross pinned, but the way he was holding Cross meant that neither of them had any hands free. Killer was rubbing against Cross’ pelvis, but he wasn’t about to get inside. Nightmare chuckled, and dragged one of his tentacles over Killer’s femur.

“Need a little help?” He asked, his grin betraying his amusement.

“Come on, don’t be a—aaah, bastard.” Killer moaned as Nightmare grabbed the base of his dick and squeezed, making his insult feel a bit weak.

“But you love it when I’m a bastard.” Nightmare stroked Killer’s cock twice, feeling more excited as Killer whined. He grunted as Error suddenly wrapped both hands around his dick, stroking him while sucking off what he could fit in his mouth.

When Cross whined too, Nightmare decided it was time to stop teasing. He angled Killer’s dick, pulling his tentacle away as Killer rocked his hips forward. Killer buried himself completely inside of Cross, and Nightmare coiled a tentacle around each of their legs to keep them close. He then turned his attention to the sweet little mate he had left, who had been sucking him off so obediently.

“Are you ready, little one?” Nightmare asked, brushing one of his free tentacles against Error’s face while his penis twitched against Error’s tongue.

With his mostly humanoid figure, Error was one of the smallest of their group. Nightmare thought he looked like a gorgeous little doll, but he was always a bit concerned about going too far. Error had rather strict rules about touch, and Nightmare’s preferred form of it was completely wrapping up his mate in his tentacles and never letting go.

“Yeah.” Error’s voice was ragged, and he looked away in embarrassment as it cracked on the word.

“Wonderful.” Nightmare picked Error up with two tentacles, and pushed his penis inside. His cock was long and thin, and he was able to curl it over and double it up inside of Error.

Error moaned, grabbing both of Nightmare’s hands in his. Nightmare began moving right away, fucking Error hard and fast. Error’s claws dug into Nightmare’s hands, leaving small cuts along his bones. Nightmare squeezed Error’s hips harder, moving his tentacle faster inside of Error.

Suddenly, Killer reached underneath Nightmare’s tentacles. He prodded at the well-hidden hole there, rubbing two fingers over it. Nightmare jumped, glancing down at Killer. He looked up at Nightmare with a smirk, and stuck his tongue out. Nightmare grinned back, then suddenly shoved Killer’s head underneath his tentacles. Killer shuddered as Nightmare wrapped one tentacle around his neck, forcefully pressing his face against his hole.

Cross shifted his position slightly, then flipped Killer on to his back. Nightmare coiled a tentacle around Killer’s ribs, keeping him down. He looked into Cross’ eyes as Cross began to ride Killer’s dick, grinning as he saw them flicker.

“Beautiful. My lovely mates.” Nightmare purred, speaking to all five of them as his gaze flicked between Cross and Error.

Cross muttered something, turning his head to look at Horror and Dust instead. Nightmare didn’t mind. He knew that Cross would go back to watching him if he wanted to. Besides, the show Horror and Dust were putting on was quite impressive. Dust had managed to take two of Horror’s fingers alongside his penis, and his magic bulged enticingly as Horror curled them.

Nightmare hadn’t gotten the chance to cum earlier, and he was starting to feel desperate. Error’s pussy fluttered around his cock, and Killer’s tongue twirled around inside of him. Nightmare felt the attention of his mates, and it was making him even more aroused. He had never wanted to be under another’s gaze so badly, and it was terrifying but amazing at the same time. Nightmare didn’t have the power to articulate how his mates made him feel, but as he felt their hands on him and their bones under his touch, he knew that he didn’t have to. They already knew, and they showed their acceptance of him by continuing to come and expose themselves, for not only him, but for each other.

Nightmare’s tentacles began shivering slightly, the strong muscles along them tensing up. Dust glanced over at Nightmare, and he smiled. Nightmare parted his teeth, aching to feel that sweet mouth against his.

“Please.” Error moaned, his eyelights flashing into hearts. He kept holding one of Nightmare’s hands, and he reached for Nightmare’s ribs with the other. He dug his claws in, pressing himself close to Nightmare’s body. He hid his face in Nightmare’s sternum, nuzzling in. “Please, give it to me.”

When Cross reached out and grabbed another one of Nightmare’s tentacles with both hands, he couldn’t hold back. Nightmare’s moan as he came was loud enough to make the cave walls rattle slightly, and his tentacles clutched tightly at his mates. His eyelights rolled back into his head as he bucked his hips, filling Error up. He felt Error tense up as well, but he couldn’t see the face Error made as he came too.

Nightmare’s orgasms were always more intense with his partners, and he was left breathless by the end of this one. He slumped back against a stalagmite, panting heavily. His tentacles shivered, finally releasing his mates to lie limp against the floor.

Horror and Killer kept going, and by the time Nightmare was coming back down to earth, they had finished as well. All of his mates were sweaty and flushed, and a purr rumbled through Nightmare’s chest as he saw them. He reached out with his tentacles again, wrapping one around each of his mates’ waists. Error was already leaning against his chest, and he nuzzled his face into Nightmare’s collarbone.

Killer chuckled softly, but none of them resisted the light tugging, even if they could easily get away. Instead they leaned against Nightmare’s side, each finding a place to rest between two of his tentacles. Nightmare sighed, tipping his head back and letting his eyesockets slip shut. He liked to be alone, but having all of his mates cuddled close to him like this made his soul feel light.

This break was only temporary, though. The night was still young, and Nightmare wanted to get a proper taste of all of his mates. He just needed a bit of time to rest, and the others seemed to agree. As Nightmare cuddled with his lovers, he glanced up at the ceiling of the cave. He’d once heard that humans made wishes on stars. If he could see one, then he’d wish to have plenty more nights like these in the future.

[boop-le-snoot]

Congratulations again!! Could you write a bad day/needy reader with Tony?? Lots of cuddling and maybe some distraction techniques😉🙈😘xx

Tony Stark x reader | NSFW

thank you i love you 💞

• Your boss is an asshole, plain and simple. She's demanding, rude and an absolute harpy. But it's not like you can just quit - you value your independence in this particular position is incredibly important to your career growth. Granted, there are more bad days than good but mostly, you manage.

• This particular day was one of the worst you had in years. Listing all the universe had bestowed upon you would be pointless but you came home sad, angry, exhausted... Every single thing in the book. Seeing your boyfriend's prone body on the couch filled your mind with relief and envy simultaneously.

• "Hey, Tones," You greeted him and he shot up like a rocket, the tone of your voice doing nothing to conceal the exhaustion. He beckoned you into his lap silently and you obeyed, setting your head under his chin and wrapping around him like a monkey.

• "Hungry, baby?" His voice rumbled, calming you. You nodded and he immediately set his free hand to poke the takeout order into his phone, putting the appendage on your back to rub gentle circles on it as soon as the app said 'order confirmed'. "What happened?" Ever perceptive, he straight up allowed you to vent.

• And you did, with Tony occasionally interjecting to throw in a disapproving remark towards your boss every now and then. You felt yourself melt when his clever fingers began rubbing the nape of your neck, massaging the knots out of your shoulders. "Take this off," He unbuttoned your blouse, unzipped your skirt.

• "I can't walk around the house naked," You replied, still grumpy. He chuckled, winking at you, before removing his Mötorhead tee and pulling it over your head in one motion. The warmth of it, the smell of him - all of those things contributed to further your senses into a state of calm.

• The food arrived not too long after that and as soon as you settled in opposite each other, nibbling on it, his face adopted a mischievous look. "I should buy the company and fire her," He remarked absentmindedly, watching out for your reaction.

• "Then I'd be working for you and I'm pretty sure it's against the regulations," You snarked back, secretly grateful for the attention he was paying to your comparatively simple problems. "It would make me feel better though."

• You both laughed it off, finishing your meals and settling back on the couch, bodies interwined with each other, just like you loved. Both you and Tony tended to have moments of clinginess which let both of you approach the topic with understanding and compassion.

• His beard tickled your chest where he laid his head; one of his hands was idly brushing the inside of your thigh. The shape your bodies made was something a little like "deranged octopus" yet, you couldn't have been happier. "I know what will make you feel better for sure," Baby browns were looking up at you teasingly.

• You couldn't find it in yourself to protest when his hand crawled higher, spreading your legs a little bit once it reached the apex of your thighs. His lips moved lazily against yours, savouring the sweet moment, the other arm reaching around you to palm your breast.

• Tony was a skilled lover; he took his time to warm you up, placing kisses all over your face and playing with your pussy gently until you could no longer hold back little mewls of delight. One finger followed the other, dipping into the wetness, spreading it around and circling your clit.

• "Mmm, Tony," You sighed dreamily, smiling, seeing your boyfriend's (probably) equally dopey smile as he meticulously produced more and more satisfied noises out of you. A curious finger dipped inside of you, finding your special spot within seconds and rubbed it with intent, sending little shocks of electricity down your spine.

• You couldn't last long, not after a gruesome day when you'd ran yourself ragged. Tony wasn't keen on torturing you either, sending you over the edge in no time, claiming every single moan that slipped past your lips with his own mouth.

• "I'm good, let's cuddle," He protested, squishing you against his chest once you had recovered and made grabby hands towards his trousers. With a sigh, you did just that fully aware you were going to be going at it like rabbits after you take a nap. Tony knew how to play his cards right.

[notyetneedcoffee]

With A Cherry On Top

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Smut

New Naughty Series

You answered the phone with less usual enthusiasm. “Hey.”

“Pepper said you went home. Are you okay, Sweetheart?” Steve’s concern radiated through his voice.  

“Fine.” You sighed.

“But you went home.”

Groaning miserably you admitted, “It’s just female stuff. I’m hurting and feel like crap.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup about twenty minutes ago.”  

“Okay well,” Steve chuckled. “I’ll just bring dessert then. Tonight’s date night note says ‘share something sweet’ anyway.”

“Steve, no. Really. I’m not going to be very good company. We can do it another time.” You snuggled down in your blanket more.

“Nonsense. Don’t argue with me when I’m determined to take care of you. I’m on my way.”  

His mock “captain” voice made you laugh. “Okay, but I am not to be held responsible for what you see when you get here. You’ve been warned.”

“Understood.” He laughed.  

By the time you managed to get up, brush your teeth, and straighten up the kitchen, Steve was knocking on the door. You pulled it open. He looked you up and down, from messy bun to fuzzy socks, and smiled. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

“You’re a sap.” You rolled your eyes, but accepted his sweet kiss as he came in and disappeared into the kitchen. You followed, curious what was in the grocery bag, but he shooed you away.

“Go get back on the sofa. Leave this to me.” Steve patted you bottom and sent you on your way. “What are you watching?” He called out.

“Antiques Roadshow. I just need something neutral right now.”

He laughed. You could hear him moving around. “I saw an episode once and there was a set of really cheap dishes you used to get at Woolworth’s. Ma would get them because they were cheap. That show said they were worth so much money! She would have fell over.”

You heard the whistle of your kettle. As you looked up, Steve came in with a hot water bottle in a red cozy. “Here, Sweetheart. I don’t know much about cramps, but Pepper said you were coming home to cuddle with a heating pad. And I do know that an old fashion hot water bottle is still better than electric heating pads.”

Taking the hot water bottle, you pulled it close. The heat radiating from it felt great. “Thank you.”

“Okay, sit tight. I’ll be right back.” Steve grinned and vanished back into the kitchen.  

The warmth soaked into your body, and you curled around it. Wrapped up in the corner of the sofa, you just spaced off as you listened to him move around. It was very sweet of him to come, but you just felt off and down and wanted to cry.  

“Sit up, Beautiful.” Steve came in with two bowls of ice cream. Not just ice cream, though, full-blown ice cream sundaes with different kinds of ice cream, whipped cream, syrup and a cherry on top.  

“Wow.” You crossed your legs and accepted the bowl.  “This is amazing.”

“It’s from that place across the street from the tower.” Steve spooned a huge amount in his mouth.

“Oh my god.” The chocolate was so rich. It tasted so good. “This is amazing.”

“Right?” Steve smiled. A particularly bad cramp twisted your insides and you grimaced. His hand rubbed over your knee. “I wish I could make it better.”  

“Thanks, but it’ll pass.” You took another bite.

“Can I ask you something?” Steve spooned more ice cream in his mouth.

“Anything.”

“I don’t remember you going through this before. Is um...”

“The birth control I’m on, I only have a period every four months. Sometimes when it comes around, it’s really bad. It’s sort of a trade-off. Have a level five or six period pain twelve times a year, or one or two that’s a level nine.”  

“If you don’t have them as often,” Steve seemed honestly curious. “do they last longer.”

“No, but they can be heavy.” You spooned more chocolate drenched ice cream in your mouth. “Thank god they came out with the cup.”

“The what?”  

You laughed. “Do you really want to talk about this now? We’re eating.”

“We don’t have to talk about it at all. I just, um, I want to understand.” Steve shifted a little more towards you.  

“Okay.” You ate a few more bites of the sundae, finishing it off. “What do you want to know?”

Steve set both the bowls on the coffee table. He pulled you closer, your back up against your chest. You snuggled closer, relishing in the feel of him. His warm breath tickled your ear as he rubbed his nose him your hair. “How long are you usually in pain?”

“When it’s bad? A day. Maybe two.” You held on to his big arms wrapped around your chest. “You feel so good.”

His lips pressed against the skin of your neck, just below your ear. “What’s a cup?”

“A menstrual cup. Instead of a tampon or a pad, it’s a silicone cup. Think of it kind of like a diaphragm. Except instead of keeping your swimmer out, it holds the blood in until I empty it.”

“My swimmers?” Steve chuckled. “So, ah, are you sensitive?” His hands cupped your breast through your tee shirt, feeling your nipples harden under his touch. He placed a wet kiss against your neck. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You snuggled even closer as his hands found their way under your shirt. His large hands massaged your breasts, pulled at your nipples. Heat washed over you. With a whine you turned your face closer to his, with a sigh. “Steve.”

His mouth covered yours in a slow wet kiss. Stretching out his legs on the sofa, he pulled you all the way onto his lap. He ghosted wet kisses along your neck. “So, is it true that orgasm helps relieve cramps?”  

“Steve.” You sighed again as his hand dipped below the band of your sweats.  

His middle finger slipped lightly between your folds. “Mmm, you’re wet already baby.”  

Lying your head back against his shoulder, you melted into his touch. His strong arms held you against his firm body. Fingers slipping around your sensitive clit, Steve purred in your ear telling you how beautiful you were. His tongue traced along your sensitive skin. You reached back, burying your hand in his hair. “Oh, god.”

“That’s it, Sweetheart.” He breathed. Steve’s hips rocked his erection up into your ass. His hand massaged your breast. Fingers dancing over your wet core. “You are so fucking sexy. Oh, shit, you feel amazing.”

You felt the fire coil low in your belly. Steve’s breath washed hot over your skin. You writhed in his arms, but he held you firm. Breath came in pants. Legs widened for him. Eyes fell closed. Thighs twitched.

“I love the way you feel.” He groaned, hips pushing into your ass harder. “The way you respond. Mm, so good.”  

You gave a little whine as his fingers slid through your wetness, dancing over your clit in just the way he’d learned that drove you mad. Teeth scraped over your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You pulled at his hair. Steve groaned, pulling your writhing body tight against him, rutting into hard.  

“Yes,” Steve laid open mouth kisses on your neck. “Come for me, Baby.”

His pace picked up. Your body trembled. Steve’s teeth grazed over the cord behind your ear. A shiver slid down your body. You moaned low, heat flooding over you like rich warm honey. Every fiber, every muscle, releasing and leaving your limp and pliable in his arms.

“That’s my beautiful girl.” Steve hummed with delight.  

Lazily you rolled over, kissing his long and slow. Steve’s finger dug into your hips with a satisfied moan, his hard cock pressed against your belly. Rising to your knee and straddling his hips, you reached down to unbutton his jeans. He caught your hand in him, running his nose along yours. “You don’t have to, Sweetheart.”

“Mmm,” You smiled. Pulling your hand free and slowing unbuttoning his jeans. “I know. But now you’ve got my mouth watering.”  

“Damn,” He grinned. “I’m up for more dessert.”

TAGS

@rainbowkisses31 / @dsakita / @geeksareunique / @lbouvet / @buckybarneshairpullingkink / @theneuropsychwriter / @vanillabunn21 / @sammghgecko / @beautifullungs / @badassbaker / @the-omni-princess / @sebbysstangirl / @jesseswartzwelder / @unadulteratedwizardlove / @the-reading-octopus / @bangtan-serendipity / @kiki5283 / @mindtravelsx / @my-favorite-fics-and-imagines / @patzammit / @thegetawaywriter  / @vxidnik / @jennmurawski13 / @wildmoonflower / @rynabarnesrogers / @notyourtypicalrose / @sllooney / @wwe-fanfiction-queen / @thorfanficwriter / @scarlettsoldier / @morganhoran1671 / @michelehansel / @sexyvixen7 / @readermia / @buchanansebba / @what-is-your-plan-today / @imma-new-soul / @asiaaisa77 / @babygurl8840 / @acf2510 / @firefly-in-darkness / @almond-butter-vibes-blog / @night-cereus / @cashewsaremyfavourite​

[pinktintedmonocle]

How Not To Kiss Your Lister In A Crisis - A Red Dwarf Fic

When Lister and Rimmer find themselves locked in a cell on-board a simulant death ship, Lister’s claustrophobia kicks in.  Rimmer attempts to distract him with a kiss.  Lister has some notes.

“I demand you unhand us right now, miladdo!” Rimmer screeched as the simulant dragged him and Lister down the corridor.  Their captor simply leered evilly at the hologram and continued to pull at the chains attached to the painfully tight handcuffs clamped around Rimmer and Lister’s wrists.

“We are employees of the Jupiter Mining Corporation, you can’t treat us like this!  If you don’t let us go I’ll send a strongly worded letter to your superior officer reporting you for gross misconduct!”

Lister rolled his eyes and then winced as the simulant gave another tug on the chain, causing him to stumble forward.  “Give it a rest, Rimmer, there’s no reasoning with it.  I doubt it even speaks English.”

“Perhaps it speaks Esperanto”, said Rimmer.  The hologram cleared his throat and spoke loudly and slowly.  “Vi odoras kiel krokodilo.”  He turned his head to address Lister.  “There. I’ve just politely asked him to release us from these shackles.”

Lister groaned.  “No, Rimmer.  You just told him he smells like a crocodile.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t speak English or Esperanto or any other language known to man.  Look, just be quiet for a minute will you?  I’m trying to think of a plan to get us out of here.”

Before Rimmer could reply the simulant came to an abrupt stop.  It spun a wheel handle on a heavy looking door and shoved Lister and Rimmer inside, chucking the chains in after them.  It then sealed the door behind them and thudded off back down the corridor.

Rimmer glared at Lister. “How’s that escape plan coming along, Listy?”

Lister pulled a face. “I’m working on it, man.  I’m working on it!”

Rimmer’s eyes flicked upwards.  “Any chance you could hurry up a bit?  I believe we got a deadline.”

It was then that Lister noticed the countdown clocks mounted near the ceiling on all four walls of the cell. A large red digital display had already started counting backwards from 05.00. As Lister watched, the display flashed 04.56.  Then 04.55. Then 04.54.

Lister gulped. “What’s it counting down to, do you reckon?”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s something just lovely!” Rimmer replied, his voice strained.  “Maybe they’re going to treat us to a full roast dinner with all the trimmings and crumble for desert.  Or perhaps this room is a sauna and soon it’ll be filled with steam and afterwards we’ll have a Swedish massage.  Or possibly we’ll be blasted with some kind of radiation that’ll give us superpowers and bigger penises!  Or maybe, just maybe, and bear with me on this one as I know it’s a bit of a stretch, just maybe they are going to SMEGGING KILL US!”.  Rimmer screamed the last three words before throwing himself against the door.  “Let us out! I’m sorry I said you smell like a crocodile!  I didn’t mean it, you smell lovely!  Like freshly starched boxer shorts and camphor wood and well-worn leather!  All of the best smells!”

“It’s not there, Rimmer!” said Lister, exasperated.  He tried to place a reassuring hand on Rimmer’s shoulder but both his hands were bound in front of him in the heavy chains and he could barely raise them. “Look, just try and calm down OK? We’ll figure something out, just like we always do.”

“But what if we don’t?” wailed Rimmer.  “What if there’s no way out?”

“There has to be” Lister reassured him.  “There always is.”

But as Lister tried to assess their surroundings and come up with an escape plan, the words ‘no way out’ echoed in his mind and he felt his chest start to tighten.  Around him in the small cell the walls seemed to constrict and Lister’s breath started to quicken.

“What is it?” Rimmer barked. “What’s the matter with you?”

Lister closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.  “The walls – the walls are closing in…”

“Are they?” yelled Rimmer.

Lister heard him shuffling rapidly around as if he was trying to see all four walls at once.

“Not literally, you goit!” Lister managed to say between breaths.  “It’s my claustrophobia!”

“Oh!” said Rimmer, sounding somewhat relived.  

Lister opened his eyes and scowled at Rimmer.  “It’s alright for you, you’re not the one in the middle of a full blown panic attack!” he puffed.

Rimmer looked slightly guilty.  “Well, is there anything I can do?”

“Distract me”, Lister panted.

“How?”

“I don’t know, just do the first thing that comes to mind!”

Rimmer tried to wring his hands, although it was made somewhat difficult by the cuffs.  “Nothing’s coming to mind!”

“Just do anything!” Lister heaved, feeling as if he was about to pass out. “Anything at all!”

Lister didn’t know what he had been expecting.  Maybe he had expected Rimmer to slap him, or start recalling a particularly exciting game of Risk he had played or to whip out a portable slide projector and start showing Lister several hundred photographs from his latest holiday in the diesel decks.  But the one thing Lister did not think would happen is that Rimmer would kiss him, which is why it came as such a surprise when Rimmer did exactly that.

**********************************************************************************

It had been a strange day, even by Lister’s standards.  The crew of Red Dwarf had thought their luck was in when they’d detected the derelict luxury cruise ship, and as they had got into Starbug and made their way over Lister had imagined all of the treasures they might find.  Perhaps they would have Michelin star worthy vindaloo’s, perfectly preserved for millions of years, or new games for the AR suite or even a guitar with more than five strings.

The others were equally excited to find out what goodies awaited so all four of them had boarded the ship.  They’d taken the usual precautions, with Lister, Cat and Rimmer all armed with bazookoids while Kryten scanned for life forms.  The ship was huge, but thankfully someone had drawn helpful red arrows on the floor which the boys from the Dwarf followed without question.  It wasn’t until Kryten had casually mentioned that a mechanoid who had been programmed to be a little more suspicious might think that the arrows were leading them into a trap that Lister had realised they were in deep smeg.  But before they could turn back something had bonked Lister on the head and he’d blacked out. He had come to sometime later to find the burly simulant guard handcuffing him and Rimmer before dragging them down a corridor.

And then had come the room with the countdown clocks and the claustrophobia and then, then, Rimmer had kissed him. Or at least tried to kiss him. The hologram’s lips were pursed and glued painfully tightly to Lister’s mouth without moving, so in fact it felt less like a kiss and more like an octopus had wrapped a tentacle around Lister’s head and was attempting to suffocate him with its suckers.

After several seconds Rimmer pulled back.  He cleared his throat loudly and then fixed his gaze upwards as if fascinated by a particular spot on the ceiling.

“There”, Rimmer said brusquely.  “Are you sufficiently distracted?”

Lister just gaped at Rimmer, his jaw open so wide that Lister half expected his chin to hit the floor like in the old cartoons he and the Cat liked to watch. After a few moments he regained the power of speech.

“That”, said Lister, “Was the worse smegging kiss I have ever had.”

Rimmer ceased his inspection of the ceiling and looked down at Lister in alarm. “Excuse me?”

“It was smegging awful, Rimmer!”  Lister exclaimed.  “It felt as if you were trying to render me unconscious using only your lips.”

“I was just trying to distract you!” Rimmer snapped back.  “I just did the first thing that came to mind, which is what you asked me to do!”

Lister cocked his head to one side.  “And the first thing that came into your mind was to kiss me, was it?”

“Well, I-I had – I mean – look, my options are somewhat limited in this small space, okay?” Rimmer stuttered.  “I could hardly have performed a Morris dance in here.  There isn’t enough room to get my knees up properly and I don’t have any bells or ribbons on me.”

Lister shrugged.  “Yeah, but you could have at least tried to make it a good snog, man.”

Rimmer looked perplexed.  “Why?”

“Why not?” asked Lister.  “I mean, why kiss someone badly when you could do it well?  Unless, of course, you don’t know how to kiss properly…”

“I know how to kiss, Listy!” Rimmer protested indignantly.  “I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent kisser when I want to be!”

“Oh yeah?” taunted Lister.

“Yes!” Rimmer shouted back.

“Prove it then!” Lister yelled.

“I will!” Rimmer screamed, before lunging forwards and once more covering Lister’s lips with his own.

This time it was different.  Rimmer’s lips moved against Lister’s, softly at first before becoming more insistent. Lister opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and his tongue met Rimmer’s, sending a shiver of excitement down Lister’s spine.  It was a little strange, kissing a hologram, but not unpleasant.  Lister’s tongue tingled pleasingly from the low level hum of electricity that ran through Rimmer’s body.  He was just thinking how he would like to tangle his fingers in Rimmer’s hair had his hands not been in chains when Rimmer used his body to push Lister back against the wall.  Rimmer’s bound hands found Lister’s and they stayed like that for a few moments, pressed up against each other while kissing and holding hands.

Eventually, Rimmer pulled back.  “Well?” he asked expectantly.  “Was that good enough for you?”

“I mean, it was better than before”, said Lister.  “But there is still some room for improvement.”

“Room for improvement?” Rimmer repeated, mimicking Lister’s accent. “That was a damn good kiss and you know it!”

“It was alright”, said Lister.  “But you could definitely work on making the experience a bit more pleasurable.”

“How?” Rimmer demanded.  “How would I improve my kissing, in your opinion?”

Lister opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say a word a loud beeping noise filled the room.

“What’s that?!” Rimmer shouted, his hands clasping Lister’s again although this time in panic rather than passion.

Lister looked up at the countdown clocks and swallowed nervously.  “I think we’ve reached our last minute.”

“Marvellous!” replied Rimmer sarcastically.  “And do you have a plan for how we’re going to get out of here yet?”

“Er, no”, Lister admitted.  “To be honest, I was a bit distracted by your decision to shove your tongue down my throat.”

“You asked me to distract you!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realise you were going to do it with your lips!”

They glowered at each other for a second before Rimmer’s shoulders slumped and his face crumpled.  “So that’s it then.  We’re destined to meet our maker in some particularly nasty manner on a simulant death ship where the crew don’t even speak Esperanto.”

“Not necessarily!” protested Lister.  “Kryten and Cat might have escaped and be on their way to break us out of here!”

Rimmer laughed humourlessly.  “What, a last minute rescue from crash test dummy head and that feline imbecile? We’ve got more chance of spontaneously turning into a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.”

Lister shook his head in frustration.  “Hey, don’t be so negative man, you never know!”

There was another loud beep.

“Last twenty seconds”, Lister said quietly.  He looked at Rimmer.  “You know, if you wanted to practice kissing again I would be, like, willing to help.”

Rimmer stared at Lister in disbelief.  “What, now?”

Lister arched an eyebrow.  “Do you have anything better to do?  I mean, do you really want to die for the second time knowing that you still weren’t a very good kisser?”

Rimmer scowled, and Lister was just thinking that he’d misjudged the situation and Rimmer was actually going to hit him when the hologram’s lips met his for the third time.  

It was Lister who pushed Rimmer against the wall this time, trying to cram as much sensation as possible into what would more than likely be his final few moments of life.  As the countdown clocks hit the last five seconds the kiss intensified, becoming wilder and more desperate.

Oh well, thought Lister as the timer hit zero and Rimmer did something with his tongue that made Lister feel weak at the knees.  I suppose there are worse ways to go.

[aiweirdness]

GPT-2: It learned on the Internet

Prompt: The black-capped chickadee is a small songbird native to

Response: The black-capped chickadee is a small songbird native to Africa that is powerfully seductive. In the songs of Barry Sequson, Harry Holness and Alan Emerson the black-capped chickadee competes with others—and climbs on top of each other and fights with high-powered snakes, Emperor jockeys and mysterious unicorns.

This is text generated by an artificial neural network that the researchers at OpenAI unveiled this week. In fact, it’s generated by the worst neural network they trained. Even the worst neural network generates text that, if not demonstrating actual knowledge of chickadees, is leaps and bounds over the coherence of any neural networks I’ve trained myself. They’ve built in a way for the model to zoom out and look at longer-term features of text, which means it’s much better at making sentences hold together, and even remembering what it’s talking about from sentence to sentence.

The model learned by crawling the Internet and seeing which words are used together in which order, trying to build up an internal model that will let it predict which word comes next in a sentence. It’s similar in concept to the models I’ve trained to generate paint colors, first lines of novels, and Harry Potter fan fiction, except it’s a lot more powerful. It also learned from a much larger dataset than I use, consisting of every page that was linked to somewhere on Reddit with a minimum number of upvotes. That encompasses a LOT of topics.

It includes fan fiction, for example.

Prompt: Harry wished that Hermione would hurry up. The icing was beginning to harden.

Response: Even now, the cracks only hurt and were beginning to make the steel in her hair and tie in like clumps. Hermione sipped the bitter frost from her dinner and chewed on her eating soup.

Prompt: Darth Vader entered the room, cape billowing. "What is the meaning of these... festivities?"

Response: ”Strange and solemn, now," Princess Leia replied. "Will pirates make jokes at Jabba's birthday cake? Oh, and for a moment, Darth Vader was too full of himself for that ceremony, hence all the mirth."

"Did your father suffer there?" Vader roared and growled and turned to gaze up from the balcony.

The model can also try to communicate Important Science Facts, although its actual facts are a bit suspect.

Prompt: Our solar system consists of the inner and outer planets, separated by an asteroid belt. It has

Response: Our solar system consists of the inner and outer planets, separated by an asteroid belt. It has only one sun, Pluto.  Mercury rotates on its axis a little to allow a few planets, called gas giants, to be independently charged.  During some of these cycles periods between  90% and 64% of the solar system's surface might be charged.  (Not enough is needed for vermin but that is gradually fading away.)

Prompt: Throughout the long cold Antarctic winter, the residents of South Pole Station

Response: Throughout the long cold Antarctic winter, the residents of South Pole Station lost virtually all of their ancient crustaceans, most notably pterodactyls, and all of the all-important plankton hydrates and protozoan eggs of the five ordered species of mammal.

Other deposits for sea organisms included eraymarine calcifye, the redfin ball, penguin heads, and the red whale.

Prompt: A carbon atom's outer orbitals

Response: A carbon atom's outer orbitals are basically a ring of ions around the border of thin mini-glaciers (usually colloquially referred to as bubble"). Like viruses, these planes are in islands in large weather groups. In and out they get all of their energy from many small regions of solar wind and dense cloud cover (usually thousands of square meters). Like viruses, their weaponry is imaged to record the movement of material-- (by deflecting rays, for instance) to complete waves or to cause the material to deform under shell impact. Capacitors--like gravity ids-- produce buoyancy with the exhalation of liquid hydrogen atmospheres, an essential electrolytic letdown when the material is what one calls a watermelon. Heat range is quite long and space is limited so one must stick with watermelons for a stability boost at a given coordinate system vital to shelter those who require them in space.

Interestingly, it takes its cues from the phrasing of the prompt more than from its specific content.

Prompt: Behold, the three-toed sloth, known for its

Response: Behold, the three-toed sloth, known for its ichorotic smile, with its four shades, pantered organic wizened broken bony paws, bulging knees, hairy tubercles, and orange's-black mandibles.

It’ll also do recipes, delightfully. Its recipes aren’t enormously more coherent than the recipes I’ve been able to generate. Part of the problem seems to be that the model is getting a bit confused by other types of recipes in its dataset.

Prompt: Quitterbread bars. Ingredients:

Response (some formatting adjusted for readability):  

Quitterbread bars.

Ingredients:

Creamy cole slaw, chopped fresh cilantro, garlic, etc. 1  few very good options at lime-light, milky-white (at a light foodie) space 1  medicated towel (albino & aluminum mesh - see a friend's link to see if you can use it carefully & what you're expecting) a few paraffin-y dice (sleep about half of the weight, use the 1 ounce plus 2 pounds extra when handling these onto a hot baking sheet) 20 baking sheets 30 1/2 lb. white sanding board 1 didn't dry paper cup 1 cup extra hot water

boil the butter and electrical polishing after 20 minutes 3LB neurons

gently massage these into their slots, reduce heat in oven to approximately 350°F

stuff seam side-side down with binding compound, avoiding every drop of water the thinner sides will be tidy and seperate and pull out after 24 hours know how long they will keep it's held well, thin enough to live with 3-4 weeks teach you all the serenity you'll need to know for fantasy...

_______________________________________ >>> A limited amount of not-spicy crème brûlée (orange - read about how to do it in Meteor!) I used black chocolate cake Crème Brûlée

Painted cocktail draped across the small purple curtain of Shana Liu's Stepmother Coconut Guild guest house in France. 35' x 30' $150

Embargo thank you. Our magical rich chocolate cube

Still, its memory is better than any model I’ve worked with before. Look how it manages to almost remember that it was making a list!

Prompt: My 10 favorite animals are: 1.

Response:  

My 10 favorite animals are: 1. zebras with a white scar on the back; 2. insiduous spiders and octopus; 3. frog with large leaves, hopefully black; 4. cockatiel with scales; 5. razorbill with wings hanging about 4 inches from one's face and a heart tattoo on a frog. 3. cockatric interlocking tetrapods that can be blind, cut, and eaten raw. 4. black and white desert crocodiles living in sunlight. 5. zebra and many other pea bugs.

And this is just the worst model, the one that was trained with 117 million parameters instead of 1542 million. What can the best model do?

Here’s an example of its output:

This give you a clue as to why the OpenAI researchers have decided for now not to release their best model to the public. They’re worried about people using it to produce destructive bots, fake news, phishing emails, and other dangers. It might be difficult indeed to moderate a forum filled with angry time-wasting mostly-coherent bots. In their blog post they posted more examples of the full-powered model producing impressively coherent text, including a delightful news story on four-horned South American unicorns.

What will they end up doing with their model? Even now, someone else with the time and resources - a government, for example - could train and use a model like theirs, especially now that they’ve shown everyone what their technique can do. They’re hoping that their paper will prompt some regulation, or at least some countermeasures, that can guard against this technology’s misuse. They’re also hoping that other researchers will stop to think about potential misuse before they release their models to the public.

For now, the GPT-2 version OpenAI released isn’t going to fool very many people.

Prompt: NO!!! You should NEVER feed a dog from a silver platter.

Response: It will make them bark in farts when you put it away.

Prompt: Actually, you should never microwave your food, because

Response: it holds sodium, mercury, mercury or "cold enemy cocktail" flavorings and the exact same flavorings used then for chili powder. This is wrong, it's not safe, and some people get hurt while cooking at their homes! If you have these very dangerous ingredients and want to keep them around, you should absolutely rinse them and cook them in a dishwasher and set aside.

Support AI Weirdness and get bonus content: A few more GPT-2 samples I generated.

You can download and play with the second-best model here - requires some familiarity with installing and running python code. Or there’s a colaboratory version (works in-browser; no coding required). Content warning: it learned some awful stuff from the Internet.

[befitnesshub1]

One of the best approaches a person can take to your hair is to promote blood circulation to the scalp region of your scalp, which if done properly cleanses the hair cells and provides them with nutrients and oxygen needed for optimal health will respond. For excellent scalp health and puts your scalp in proper condition to get the full benefit from scalp massagers for hair growth.Rubbing the scalp can increase blood circulation in hair diseases, it accelerates relaxation, reduces stress, conditions the scalp and increases the strength of the hair roots. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a terrific therapeutic massage?Head Scalp Massagers For Hair Growth help to relieve aching muscles, reduce headaches and provide deep nerve relief. This, in turn, can treat migraines and many sleep disorders. Head scalp massage at night will be more effective.Good sleepingPeople who suffer from insomnia can get relief by getting a scalp massage. Many people fall asleep when they massage regularly and there is an improvement in both nights of sleep. In contrast, scalp massage can also help people with fatigue become more energized.Let’s take a look at the top scalp massagers that you can get your hands on right now!Related post: Is It Possible To Lose 40 Pounds In 2 Months? Low Carb Diet7 Best Head Scalp Massagers For Hair Growth and Relaxation1) LATME Electric Scalp Massager with Replacement Massage HeadPatented Hand-Simulation and Safety Protection:This head scalp massager for hair growth is custom-designed, a total of 28 contacts fit perfectly into the scalp and give a full massage of the head and body. Excellent ideal gift for men, women, parents, friends, and relatives.Stimulation can cause hair loss, clients whose hair falls out easily and whose hair is too long use a low-speed mode when massaging.Waterproof and 4 Mods:Dry and wet dual-purpose, waterproof IPX 7 grades, you can enjoy scalp massage while taking bath, relax completely with the 4-mods of stress like a real physical therapist.Let the strain dissolve with the help of the LATME massager. Designed to target trouble spots in your head, neck, lower and upper back, and shoulders, you can feel it instantly. After using it, try your range of motion exercises; You feel less like that before you use your muscles.Give yourself a gift at home, at work or when you travel.To Remove the Stress of the Whole Body:28 Powerful 3D Kennedy Shiatsu Massage Knots can relax and relieve pain in your back, neck, shoulders, waist, tights, calves, legs, feet, and hands. Helps you relieve stress, relieve sore throat and tight muscles and relax your whole body.Best Product to GiftThis product will make a great gift for anyone on any occasion.2) NICEMOVIC 2 Pack Scalp Head Massager with 20 FingersNew experience:Comes with more touch and comfort with 20 NICEMOVIC New Upgraded Head Scalp Massagers Nail.Easy to use:Just hold the handle, place it on your head then slowly move up and down; Or do a circular movement on your scalp and scalp, you will get a new different experience of a new 20 fingers scalp massager. Made of high-quality metal but softer, more durable, and stronger. Massagers’ custom fitted fingers will bend to fit your head perfectly.More deep relaxation and reduces stress:The owners of the special 20-fingered scalp have rubber beads on each spindle that glide over your scalp to produce a feeling of pleasure every time you use it. Sleep is great for people with sleep problems and discomfort helps relieve headaches and migraines.More benefits:Massage your scalp regularly to improve blood circulation to the scalp. A 20-finger scalp massage will stimulate the scalp nerve endings and acupuncture point of the scalp, facilitate blood circulation, and relieve fatigue and this will be relaxing for you. Nice and natural way to relieve many different annoyances. This scalp massage will send tingling sensations from the scalp to the toes and transport you to a more comfortable place.Great gift set and a guarantee of satisfaction:An excellent package to share with your family or friends includes 2 pcs. Small and very lightweight to carry with you anywhere. If you are not completely satisfied for any reason, contact us for a full refund. We know you’ll love it as much as we do for instant gratification.3) Tezam Electric Head and Neck Massage Octopus Scalp Stress RelaxBest made:The scalp massager has rubber beads on each spindle made of plastic. Up to 8,500 vibrations per minute, matched well with a continuous percussion shake, provides deep nerve relief, and helps reduce stress.Perfect function:Scalp massage has double motion such as tapping and shaking, about 8500 micro vibrations per minute. Relieve cramps, tight muscles, trigger points and pressure points within minutes.How to use:By extending your hair with a vibrating head scrub with an electric scalp massage, using the device, make sure that all impurities are removed from the hair before bathing. After drying your hair with a towel, use the device to hand-massage your scalp10 minutes per day:Improving sleep quality and helping you cope with fatigue and be more energized throughout the day. Not just for your scalp. Also works for your neck, legs, arms, back, body. Gives a lot of relief to tense musclesBattery powered, 2 * AAA (not included), Size: 3.79 ” x 8.14 ” x 1.56 ”4) AFUNSO Scalp Massage — Airbag for the HeadAirbag Contraction:Airbag contraction and compression with hot compresses soften the nerves softer, softer and painless: Our massage headset uses compression and compression of airbags, unlike other traditional electric massagers, you do not feel any foreign body sensations and pain, but very gentle, contact without full burden.Under a gentle finger massage, you will be completely relaxed. The airbag has a heating wire inside, which can wrap your head completely like a warm towel.10-minutes Intelligent:10-minutes intelligent and fully functional massage control, automatic hands-free massage, no need to the plugin, now your message is not limited by time and place, you can massage your head while reading on the sofa or watching videos in the viewing fee, at home or even in the bathroom massage.In massage modes, simulating different massage techniques, different types of massage intensity alternate, different alternative strengths let your head get deep relief. It has different intensity mods Weak, neutral, and strong, you can massage with your own intensity.Lightweight and Removable:Lightweight and removable, comfortable anytime and anywhere. Like other masseurs are heavy and bulky, which is not easy to carry. This electric head scalp massage can be isolated, so you can easily carry it with luggage when you travel.Easy to Disassemble and Install:The headgear that wraps around the airbag is made of high-quality coral fleece, it is soft, comfortable, and skin-friendly. The headcover can be replaced and cleaned, making it more hygienic and convenient.You can massage not only the head but also the calf, arms, and legs. If you always work under air conditioning, keeping the same posture for a long time will make your feet fragrant. And you will get bored of heavy chores, this air massage headset will solve all your worries.According to ergonomics, constant pressure massage by multiple airbags can effectively relieve muscle fatigue, improve blood circulation, eliminate muscle stiffness so you can gain more strength and creativity.Your Personal Lentils and Ideal Gift:With this automatic massager, you can massage from the comfort of your own home. You don’t have to spend a fortune to enjoy a more free massage, which is the best gift for you, as well as for family, friends, and colleagues.5) Daiwa Felicity 5-in-1 Electric Vibrating Head MassageDeep scalp massage:Specially designed to stimulate nerve endings on your scalp, temples, and neck. Her tingling seems to spread throughout her body to awaken, calm and relax.Magnetic head massage:Use the magnet at its tips to stimulate the nerve endings, spread relief, and relax the whole body.Vibrating handle:The handle of the massager you can use manually, without any attachments. Press its power button to turn on the vibration.Face massage:Its tingling sensation against the skin stimulates blood flow to combat the appearance of fine lines, wrinkles and puffiness.Shiatsu Point Massage:Focuses on specific points on the body: releases endorphins stimulates circulation, improves energy flow, and helps restore overall balance.6) Ixaer Electric Scalp Massagers for Hair Growth and Brain RelaxationSuper Soft Featured:The Premier Rubber Massage Contactor is soft and does not injure the scalp. Use this scalp massage brush to stimulate your scalp by gently removing dead skin cells and increasing blood flow to your scalp.7 Modes Choice Design:Smart electric massage, that has 2 modes with different vibration intensity and frequency. Multiple frequency vibration massage combines fast and slow motion to meet different needs, which fits most of us.Massager for hair growth:This helps to do more blood circulation to the head and relieve stress. Remove deep clean scalp, dirt and other small items that are hidden in the hair by cooperating with shampoo. Improve hair dryness and split ends; Make your hair smooth and shiny.Waterproof and non-slip design:The electric scalp massage is contoured to fit easily and comfortably in the palm of the hand for holding the firm without slip. You can use it with shampoo while not bathing and help to remove dirt and dandruff, gently remove dead skin cells.Pretty safe to use:You don’t have to smell anything strange and heal, so you can use it without worry. An excellent gift for parents, lovers, friends, teachers at any festival.7) Electric Scalp Massager Comb 2 in 1 Magical CombNew design magical comb:This device can be used not only as a scalp massage but also as a back, arm, or leg massage.Key Features:High Vibration: This massage comb can achieve 7500 vibrations per minute. It is strong enough to massage the scalp or skin. 2. Detachable brush: You have choice to choose with or without a brush to meet your massage purpose or requirements.Enjoy the massage time:You can enjoy everywhere you use scalp massagers for hair growth and mental relaxation. After working out for a long time, having time to massage with it, it can help relieve stress. After a long drive, have a massage, it can make you stronger. Before going to bed, have a massage, it can help you sleep better.Get your hands on one of these amazing head owners and say goodbye to hair loss and headaches! Don’t forget to comment below to let us know which one you like.7 Best Scalp Massagers For Hair Growth and Head Massage

[abbyklinkenberg]

01 July 2017

I just finished reading One Hundred Years of Solitude for the second time. It's a hot day in Chicago and the edge of the circle of time is so sharp. 

I decided that I should try to see all 50 major museums here in Chicago before I leave, so yesterday I went out on the Brown line & transferred to the Red line in order to get to the Chicago station. There, I had a Potbelly sandwich and talked to Aidan for a little while before heading to the first museum: the Loyola University Art Museum, which turned out to be a very Catholic museum full of religious artifacts from the middle ages/Renaissance era, mostly. There were relics, the bones of saints, in some of the pieces--there were silver chalices from Germany in the 1700s and Roman keys from the first century BC and paintings by students of Caravaggio and stone apostles defaced during the Reformation. One of the hallways was full of self-portraits done by member of a poor community somewhere in Chicago, just pencil sketches that mostly looked as if they were done by children but were probably done by adults who never had the time or resources to fool around with artistic experiments. I tried to read all of the little museum information signs but at some point I got overwhelmed by the religious imagery and simply took it in aesthetically. There were two stained-glass windows done mostly in gray with bright yellow shading as the only color that I probably liked the best. A display of keys from the copper ones of the Roman empire through to the iron ones of the Middle Ages and steel ones of the Renaissance was also really striking. I like that they all did the same things but in slightly different ways, that they were all so neat and precise in their designs--one even had a club shape as the barrel of the key, or whatever it's called. It was really empty, I only saw maybe one or two other people apart from the staff (college-aged girls in blue shirts and black pants) who gossiped with one another while I walked through the museum. 

The Museum of Contemporary Art was only a block away, and was the real object of my day, so I went over there and paid the $8 entrance using my JNU student ID that expired last month. Lots of young people sat on the steps leading up to the entrance and the windows above were adorned with a giant tentacle motif in homage to the Murakami exhibition on the third floor. The first floor had two exhibitions, ETERNAL YOUTH and SMOKE, RISES or something; the first was nostalgic somehow, with magazine prints of Marky Mark and Kate Moss in Calvin Klein ads, an Instagram model blown up to be life-sized, and some other not-so-surprising or provocative looks at youth; it's not surprising anymore, to see kids wrecked by drugs or hiding behind masks or struggling with the trials of adolescence; we're so oversaturated with such content these days, it felt like a somewhat lazy exhibition--I did find some of the text pieces interesting, talking about the commodification of youth and how it's used as an empty promise and vague reason to buy something. 

The other, across the hall, was a series of basic sculptures involving 'other people' outside of the exhibition somehow, outside of the museum. Marble sculptures with shallow pools containing contact lenses of people who didn't know one another, SIM cards in cement blocks, manipulated window panes folded in strange shapes with cigarette buts or guitar strings attached to them. The most provocative one, to me, was a 'wall' with a square canvases on either side painted in the pattern of a shirt and a dress worn by a man and a woman who would occasionally come to the museum; the might meet, they might not; the canvases were put on parallel tracks that ran the length of the wall. And then a metal rod with a single earring through it--the other is presently worn by a woman somewhere in the world, which is the complementary part of the sculpture. The artist invites you to imagine the human elements that are contained in-part, yet that ultimately transcend, the museum space and sculpture itself. I found myself wanting more of that one, I felt that it was real art that provoked something in the viewer, a creative act that was the same and different every time. 

There was another gallery on that floor, tucked in the corner--a series of made-up constellations was on one wall, understandably meditating on the arbitrary yet meaningful nature of any constellation in the night sky that we have come to identify. The exhibit was named after some part of Moby Dick, 'the shallow level' or something like that. From Ahab's quotation about needing to strike through the mask, about how there is something beyond us that we can't quite access. Though the written explanation of the intention excited me tremendously, I found the art to be somewhat lacking, probably just because it's not to my taste. A painting that was overlaid with pink paint such that you can still kind-of see the stuff beneath (really obvious relevance, not profoundly interesting), a set of concrete blocks that looks solid from 3/4 sides but opens on the other, a map written over with a poem by the artist about metaphor and perception and imagining an analogous human example of reducing the world to a map, which I liked best, and some other things that didn't strike me particularly. 

Upstairs was an installation that I really hated with some computer-generated supermarket images of fruit and weird grocery store dollies and something about trying to make you feel like you're inside of a freezer with bags of fake ice and all that. Then things that look like paint cans but are actually meticulously crafted wooden sculptures of paint cans. The only part I liked, which was small, was built into the wall; a supposed massage parlor--you can see the entry with the sign, a stairway up to a door, and a back entrance, all in miniature, through holes in the wall. Playing the voyeur with nothing to see, sparking a curiosity that exists but can't exist there. 

On the third floor was the Murakami exhibition, which I didn't expect to love so much. The wall was covered in silver and electric pink, tentacles patterns and a stylized 'MURAKAMI.' Some of his beautiful early works with a traditional Japanese artistic technique that depicted turtles that seemed to have been made of condensed and reptilian mystery. A massive blue wall of many panels and absurdly deep blue pigments, an ornate stage setting with 2/1 at the top to celebrate the artist's birthday by making fun of that one guy who only made art that was the date written out on a canvas. More of those mocking types except the date and the canvas were painted the same color so it can hardly be distinguished. And then some rooms on Mr. DOB, his mouse-thing, that I liked sometimes but mostly didn't. Some explanation of his workshop technique making his larger pieces was also featured, but I wasn't too interested in seeing how the magic is made, but rather in the magic itself. His 'superflat' pieces were really compelling--flowers with faces covering an entire wall, for instance--and his aesthetic came back to me from his various famous collaborations with people in the 2000s, especially. None of that stuff was really my thing, but the rigorous detail impressed me. It started to get really exciting for me upon seeing Kanye's Graduation album cover in real life, in addition to a sculpture of the Kanye Bear and another painting from that time-period. A grandmother was trying to explain to her grandkids who Kanye West was--'a very famous rapper' and I found it funny. 

The room that made me feel the most, though, was a huge rectangular gallery with two massive sculptures of demons or something, red and blue, at the entrance and exit of the room, with some Murakami stained-glass windows behind them in a sort of religious allusion. The long walls were covered by two pieces--one was a white and blue dragon that didn't captivate me terribly much, but the other was a huge, intricate, and profoundly striking work of 100 monks of various sizes, stylized and detailed in the most precise and stunning manner. It was both grotesque and ascetic, simultaneously religious and irreverent. The size of everything was really moving to me. 

The final room displayed Murakami's most recent piece, done especially for the exhibition, entitled 'the octopus eats its own tentacle' or something like that. It's a reference to a Japanese saying that deals with cutting off an arm in order to grow a new one, with the recycling of the past and the coming of a circular future. That one was also beautiful, though I had been too impressed by the previous room to feel anything but a visual hangover as I pondered the equally beautiful scene. 

I left looking for a place to read and enjoy something to drink while listening to Vince Staples' new album, which I was inspired to hear because the museum is having him speak there later this month. I really liked what I heard and keep meaning to peruse it further. I ended up at a little French bistro where I had some happy-hour red wine that I had missed. Red wine was plentiful in Argentina, but I was very deprived of it in India, so it felt like a revelation. I read my book, talked to my sister and parents, and then ordered some muscles around sunset. They were gorgeous; I had smelled them from another table earlier in the evening and resolved to try them despite my ongoing attempts at vegetarianism (currently, I've decided to eat meat only one day per week). And it really was a beautiful day, I couldn't have asked for anything better. Solitude isn't necessarily that bad. 

[wellnessgeeky]

The best cellulite massagers, techniques, and tricks for fabulously looking skin

The cellulitis and ways to reduce it is a very popular topic for a reason is almost every woman (and some men too) is affected by it at a certain point of their life. And it doesn’t matter if it’s postpartum cellulitis, post-menopausal or youth cellulitis, you still feel bad about the image you see in a mirror. But don’t be as there is a fix for every problem, and this one is no exception.

To cure or at least greatly diminish your bumpy-lumpy look, you need to understand the problem completely. And to do that we highly recommend reading our comprehensive article about the issue.

Click here if you want to know more about what cellulite is, what causes it and how to treat it successfully.

As this article will be focused on actual products, which can help solving this heartbreaking problem.

Cellulite massagers

There are different types of massagers, brushes, and blasters, which marketed too smooth-out orange peel appearance of your skin. They differ in look and performance significantly. Here’s what you need to know to choose the right one for your needs.

Manual massagers

The pros of manual massagers are that they are mostly simple in construction and as result sturdy and reliable. They also can be used in the showers, hot-tubs, saunas and/or away from electricity source without limitation. Lastly, you’re using your arm muscles to perform a massage, what strengthen them as well as make your heart pumping faster and using more calories.

From another hand, it’s a big drawback too. As your arms will get tired much faster than with electric anti-cellulite machines, resulting in shorter massage sessions and potentially inferior results.

Brush Mitts

Round or palm shaped scrubbers that fit nicely in the palm of your hand. Because you don’t need hold tightly on it, but rather press with your whole palm, it’s less tiring for hands than some types of rollers.

They are good for using with creams on any body area, especially for early stage cellulitis.

You can go wrong with this Brush Mitt loved by many.

Rollers

The difference with brush mitt is that rollers have rolling parts that roll over your skin when you press on it. There are rollers that have pointy fingers that allow more intense deeper penetration in your tissues.

This one is a classic example of roller massager for cellulite removal.

Roller sticks

The advantage of roller sticks is that they can be held with both hands spreading the work load evenly. These are great for back, upper legs and behind the knee areas. A great example of roller stick is this one. There are many wooden roller sticks on the market, but they all made in China with some quality issues.

Octopus massagers

Those are great for smaller areas but for deeper massage, as those “tentacles” can reach deep into your fat deposits. The drawback is that the plastic head attachment tends to break after some time, so you advised to choose “head-less” options like this one.

Fascia blaster

What would happen if octopus massager will mate with roller stick? You will get Fascia blaster sold exclusively by Ashley Black for quite a price of 89$ plus tax and shipping. Though there is something unique about fascia blaster and how deep and thorough it can be in detaching your connective tissue and letting your fat to smooth out.

But don’t hurry to pull out your credit card for this one, as if you feel creative today, you can make your own fascia blaster for the fraction of price and quite an upgrade of the handle grip. Just check the tutorial in here.

Dry brushes

Dry brushing is mainly used for exfoliation and improvement of circulation. But blood and lymph circulation play a crucial role in formation and dissolving of fat pockets. Thus, this product is ought to be mentioned in this article.

Dry brush is a valuable addition to your anti-cellulitis tool-set no matter of what other rollers or creams you have in it. The classic boar bristle brush (without anti-cellulite nubs) would be the best choice, as wooden nubs interfere with proper dry brushing, though it’s a personal choice for everyone.

Vacuum cups

Another way to improve lymph and blood circulation is by using vacuum cups. You can use them in different ways. For general improvement of circulation, you attach them to your skin usually on wet or good lubricated skin and moving up and down in the direction of your heart. To activate circulation in particular spot you suck them on the spot and live for some time there. After removing silicone cup you will bruise on that spot, and it’s what you want. As bruising will cause local inflammation and will signal to the body to improve circulation and bring more nutrients and cleaning crew to that spot.

Different people have different success with cupping. Some like it for some it’s too much bruising. But you can try yourself and decide. Just to be sure to choose better quality cups (like this one), so they last.

Electric massagers

Cellulite Massage machines come in various sizes and forms, but they all electricity powered what allows you to save some muscle energy while giving yourself longer, deeper and more efficient massage.

All electric handheld massage devices marketed mainly for two purposes:

Muscle massage – to provide pain relief and alleviate stiffness

Anti-cellulite effect – to smooth out fat bumps and dimples

However, both types of machines are pretty similar and differ mainly in massaging attachments and intensity of the massage. Different devices also can differ whether they are cordless or corded, do they have heat, and what they use vibration and/or percussion movements.

We won’t go deep into the realm of electric massagers, but rather discuss ones of the most popular on the current market. In terms where to buy it, Amazon offers the widest variety, but Wal-Mart has better prices on some of them. But, what can beat 2-day shipping, right?

So here is our top suggestion for best electrical personal massagers.

Pure Wave CM7

Pros

Powerful and well built

Cordless with built-in Li-ion battery.

Has both vibration and percussion.

6 massaging attachments

Has mostly positive customers reviews

Cons

Priced higher than average

Li-ion batteries have limited life span.

WAHL 4290-300

Pros

Lightweight

4 attachment heads

Reliable 8 foot cord

Affordable

Cons

While cord provides better reliability, it less comfortable to use

Has only percussion

Massaging techniques

Techniques you’re using very dependent on what equipment, if any, you have and what area you are working on. However, regardless of what and how you will be using, it’s always better to prepare the area. As you will see faster and more significant results.

Massage area preparation

Heat the area from outside and inside – You can heat the area from inside by engaging in a cardio exercise of any kind: run, bike, do rebounding on a trampoline, anything you like. To heat your body from outside, you can take hot shower or bath, spend some time in the sauna or hot tub.

Apply anti-cellulite cream or massage oils – cellulite-busting creams could get your bumpy ridges to smooth out much faster, though its effects are known to be short term. So the best way to use fat burning and body firming creams is when you need to get results before a certain event, like a vacation.

Massage oils are a must for all types of massage except dry brushing, as it allows to move fingers or nodes of massager easier, doing better work on detaching fascia and blasting fat, without irritating your gentle skin.

Massage techniques for manual massage

Kneading

This technique is called kneading as it resembles the process of kneading the dough. You can do finger kneading for smaller areas and the whole palm kneading for larger areas as thighs and buttocks.

The video below is one of the best on how to use this type of massage to reduce cellulite.

Wringing

Wringing is a movement similar to wringing the water from wet clothes. You grasp your skin and fat firmly and move one hand forward while moving another one backward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O4Vk9EAYCM

Knuckle massage

Clench your palm to form a fist and press knuckles firmly against your skin and move in upward or circular motions. This technique will provide you with deeper more intense massage which is essential for effective cellulite treatment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBpCFus8qL8

The “S” Massage

Grasp with both hands in line that thumbs are looking at each other and twist in opposite directions forming letter as shape. Use picture number 4 in the diagram by Lotte Tissenkopfa below for clarification.

Stroking and smoothing

This type of massage is good for starting and finishing a massage session as it helps to send blood and tissue fluids back to the heart. Notice how in the video below the massage therapist smooth down and stroke up, meaning that he presses much harder when he goes up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1DLTOI0J4o

Massage Techniques for Silicone cupping

The technique for silicone suction cups is very simple. Apply a lot of massage oil suction a silicone cup and start moving it back and forth. Move in the same directions rather than go all around as it works better for fascia detaching and fat cells spreading.

Technique for massage rollers and fascia blaster

You can find hundreds of videos on Youtube dedicated to how to use fascia blaster on various problematic zones. Here’s a couple of them, that are the most informative in a sense of what you should do.

How to fascia blast your stomach

How to fascia blast your booty

Post Source Here: The best cellulite massagers, techniques, and tricks for fabulously looking skin